numbnumbnumbnumb.

eeeky feeling.

This is a no-classes-day again. Must be because the rats are running around the mansion these past few days. Perhaps they wanted more time to roam round, goofing and doing their nasty-dirty stuffs altogether.

I know I’m supposed to be doing something now. Something worthwhile. Something evocative. I’m supposed to be somewhere now. But since things have been clenching my throat as well as my brain cells for some time, I think I’ll be heading towards that forgotten carnival instead. I’m sticking my head into that rollercoaster ride. And puke.

How I hate rats.

because the blank page threatens me.

I feel totally numb. Creatively. I think I’ve already lost all my reserved powers in conceptualizing ideas. My [first ever] film production in Film 112 almost killed me. I didn’t know that making a music video would be that hard [I mean, making the storyboard ek-ek]. I nearly had a breakdown and a heart attack. Deadly duo. Now I’m afraid that my full length screenplay is doing the same thing to me. Or is it me who is doing the same thing to my self? Shhhieeet. You see, this is really tough for me. I so badly want to accomplish things in the best way that I can but I'm afraid that due to the lack of time, I may not be able to do that. I’ve only got less than a month to finish everything including all my requirements in my other classes – and I’m totally, totally dead.

Btw, I’ll be shooting for my music video on Saturday night [super kabado ako]. So please hope that everything turns out the way I planned them to. =)

the escapist entry

I don’t know. I really don’t know why I am writing this entry in the first place. This month’s as busy as hell and obviously I have no right to waste my time doing insignificant things such as this. But anyway since I've already begun writing this stuff, I think I better let my mind wander around for a while. Besides, I need some sort of refreshing to do if I want to survive my strenuous schedule. So sige, hala let me give myself a permission to dream of the things that I so badly want to do/learn right now. tentenenentenen. . .

1. Learn the language of hands. I’ve actually been reading some books about the deaf/mute community/life lately and I must say that as I learn more about them I become more and more interested. I am even planning to have a mute character as the protagonist for my final full length script in my screenplay writing class.

2. Learn pottery. No. It’s not because I am inspired by the movie, Ghost whatsoever. I’ve just really been dying to gain knowledge of this craft. Perhaps it’s because I’ve lately been obsessed in learning how to use my hands in other artistic ways besides drawing, writing and hairstyling [no, I’m just kidding. I can’t even fix my own hair!] =). Also, I have this sense of urgency in me to use my sense of touch in creating beauty. [Arousing the possible god in me? Tyenen!]

3. Eat lots and lots of shawarma. Now please take me back to Abu Dhabi!!!

4. Paint the clouds. My fascination in clouds actually started last sem. Thanks to my black and white photography class because if not for it I don’t think I’ll ever be able to really appreciate its beauty and magic. For the reason that taking a photo of the sky is one of the requirements given by our mentor and because of it I realized how hard it is to take a real good picture of the sky most especially at daytime. It takes a lot of patience, perseverance, passion and luck to spot the perfect time when the clouds are looking their best. And I must admit I really had a hard time chasing the clouds for just one shot. It’s either they are in bad shape, it’s too dim or the sun’s too bright. Eyeing for the cirrus clouds is also one of the most difficult things there is [and malas ko nga eh kase yun pa naman yung favorite ko]. So now, I’m still and even so much more in love with them.

5. Have a movie marathon of suspense, slasher, horror, sci-fi – then romantic comedy films. Well, wala lang. Gusto ko lang tumili ng tumili. =b hehe.

How about you? What are you dying to do/learn right now? How about the idea of us escaping together? Sa Abu Dhabi? Shawarma? Tara?

"mas msarap kau mahalin kysa jowa!"

A dear high school [and hopefully forever] friend posted that in the always-flooded Friendster Bulletin Board just this afternoon. He was actually referring to us - the whole gang. La lang. So far this is just one of the sweetest things that I've heard someone told his/her friend/s. =) Na-miss ko tuloy siyang bigla. I wanna fly to yupielbi na and squeeze him tight! And I missed my WHEEW friends, too. aaaahhh...times like this...

I have an urge to be mushy . . . is it because I'm uber in love? Or because my life is filled with so much love? [pareho lang yun eh] hmmm... I think so. Lucky me.=)

this safety belt

I liiiiiiiiiiiiike you.

Okay. So I guess I really freaked out. But thank God you didn't hear me utter a word for if you did I don't think I'll ever find enough courage to save my face. Enough of that romatic-comedy-ang-tinitilian-ko-eh thing okay? And don't ever call me hotbabe again. Don't you ever look straight into my eyes. And don't you let your elbows touch mine. Ever. I don't want you to go making yourself look cute when I'm around. I don't want to hear you singing any song either. I don't need your sweet compliments and I don't want your genuine smile. I don't like the way you are making me feel. I don't have any plans of falling further. Of burying my self deeper. I'm already contented and safe just being here. Don't make me do it.

MRT Eavesdrops: Part I

Sa MRT. Siksikan. May sumakay na babae, mga nasa 50 na. Medyo mukhang pag-bagets. Mga nasa 5'6 ang taas. Medyo petite. Morena. Makapal ang eyeliner. Nakasuot ng pulang-pulang sleeveless at medyo blonde ang maikli niyang buhok. Tinanong yung buntis na nakaupo. Mga nasa 30 pataas and edad. Naka-bestida kaya lalong nagmukhang mataba. Morena. Nakapusod ang itim na itim na buhok. Singkit at nakasimangot. [Kitang-kita ko sila dahil nasa harapan nila ako. Nakatayo.] Babae: Pwede pa ba ko diyan? [sabay siksik ng pwet niya kahit na halatang-halata naman na hindi na siya kasya] Mga ilang minuto pa ang lumipas. Buntis nagrereklamo. Panay ang punas sa pawis niya sa noo. Nasisikipan daw siya. Babae: Eh pare-pareho lang naman tayong nahihirapan. Buntis: Eh kung ganun ho, eh tatayo na lang ako. Tumayo nga ang buntis. Pinilit isiksik ang sarili niya sa mga katawang halos magkayakapan na. Pinagtinginan ang babaeng ngayon eh tinalo pa ang donya sa pagkakakomportable ng upo niya. Maya-maya pa may kausap na sa cellphone ang buntis. Buntis: ... andito nga ko sa MRT eh nakatayo... oo nakatayo...eh alangan namang maglupasay ako... ...at patuloy sa pag-ikot ang planetang earth. by the way . . . I've finally updated my talusira , le-stripped and mushroommy. Hehe. La lang. Just check 'em out if you have time. =) Actually, ngarag-an days ko ngayon eh pero heto ko, pablog-blog pa ren. Adikkk!

people are just... well... fascinating!!!

[she drives me nuts!] You see, I have this female friend, well, a co-film student. We're not really that close - actually we're not even close based on my definition of closeness [yung tipong you raelly know each other, as in to the point that you can anticipate how each other would think and behave in given situations]. But since we're acquaintances - that is, we both belong in the same college, lurk around in the same places, study and talk about particularly the same things, hang out with almost the same people - I got used to greeting her - the usual hi - hello thing - whenever I see her around - reading a book in one corner - or of course whenever I bump into her on the way. I must say that I am usually the one who initiates the action, as in I really greet her - automatically - whenever I see her even when she's not really aware of my presence or even when it's obvious that she's doing something else. It's funny 'cause I really do everything that I can to get her attention. It seems as though it has already been an obligation for me to greet her no matter what. Also, during those instances, she usually just greet me back in a sort of pilit manner - just for the sake of reciprocating my politeness and friendliness to her. However, things have gotten a bit strange and funny these past few days. Just the other day while I was really engrossed in a conversation with a friend, she suddenly popped out in front of me - waving her hands exaggerately just to catch my attention - and she even called my name [I mean, before she wouldn't even utter a word to me. All she could do was to smile back - in a pilit way.] I just thought that it was a really strange thing for her to do because all along I thought that she just greet me back because she thinks she's supposed to. Another instance happened just yesterday. I was about to step out of the door and leave our college building when I heard someone yelling my name. And when I turned around to see who it was and what was the reason why I was being called - I saw her. Then the weird thing was that I turned around and faced her just to hear her say "Wala lang". That's it. Wala lang. She just wanted to let me know that she's there, that she saw me and that she's acknowledging my presence. Well, as a response, I just talked to her for a few seconds. I told her how weird my Korean class had been for that afternoon and all sorts of those non-sense stuffs. I just felt like I needed to say something to her just to remove the awkwardness I felt for the situation. And now, the reason why I'm blogging this whole thing out? I must say that it's because I still feel a lot pretty weird. You see, I'm still puzzled and disturbed [yeah, those are the right words to describe how I feel]. What the f*** was that? What the f*** is happening? What the f*** is going on with her? With me? You could say that I'm just overreacting and that I shouldn't give a s*** to these things [well, maybe I am]. But, hey! I just cannot help it! People like her keep driving me nuts! Is it just because she suddenly realized how raw and unfriendly she was to me? Or is it because she realized my value as a person - as a friend? Or is it because she realized that she needs something from me and her being nice to me is just a part of her propaganda? Is she sincere? How could I tell? How are we supposed to know if a person's sincere to us? [the unexpected friend.] A former high school acquaintance came last night - at my sib's 17th birthday celebration. She's actually his friend [malamang], one of his closest classmates. I know her since we both used to lurk around in the same limited-four-cornered-space of our high school Alma Mater. Besides, she was one of my subordinates when I was still a CAT officer and also an orgmate in this religious org in school. We've never been really that close. But she's sort of sweet and nice to me and we used to text each other - and do that kind of stuffs - before so I can say that we pretty had some kind of friendship between us. So, times had already passed. We haven't talked to each other for a long time although we only used to talk about some things before which aren't really personal. All this time I thought that maybe she's just one of those people that I was meant to bump into then that's it. No further connections, no possible deeper relationships. But then my notion changed last night. The night when we met again. When my sib's visitors arrived, everything went on pretty normal. Some of those who know me [those who spent some time with me before] just said their shiest hi's. I was actually barely paying attention to them. They know me and I know them That's it. We're not really close , anyway so why bother to give them a grand welcome. But then, this person popped out of my sight. Out of all those who passed by, she's the only one who showed how excited she was to see me again. It's really funny 'cause I wasn't expecting that kind of approach from her. I wasn't expecting anything from her. I didn't expect that she would be that glad to see me again. And so I responded by talking to her and by expressing how glad I also was to see her again. Of course, I wasn't just pretending to be nice and happy 'cause I really felt the way she did. I was just so glad that she came. And so we talked for a few minutes. She asked me about my life; some school and love life stuffs. She asked if I'm doing good. Kamusta na raw ba ko. Bakit daw ang payat ko na [lalo] - and all those sorts of thing. I felt really weird because I wasn't expecting that. Have we become that close? I didn't know my worth to her as a friend. I absolutely had no idea whatsoever. It's just amazing how these things happen - how powerful events could be in putting the most unexpected things right into our faces. It's also much more amazing when we discover our worth to somebody or a person's worth to us in the least expected situations. We'll never really know when we'll have - or when we actually had - a new friend again. =)

just another weird valentine entry

Funny how the Valentine's season makes people silly [in thoughts and in actions]. Love songs on television shows [and yeah, on tv shows], maroon [hindi red eh noh] roses, people wearing pink and/or red shirts [na ang totoo eh automatic lang nating inaassume na nakikibagay sila sa valentine's spirit pero ang totoo eh kahit naman kelan nagsusuot na sila ng pink or red], classmates bugging you out asking if you've got a date or who's your date, parents trying to trap you into admitting that you have a boy/girlfriend and that for sure you'll be going on a date followed by questions [and advices] on where will you go and what activities can the do of you possibly do, single friends keep on saying how single people shouldn't feel sad or frustrated during valentine's day which of course wouldn't be complete without them reciting their own litany of theories and beliefs in love and life and all those other cute but silly things. I can't even remember how many times I reminded my self to stop singing "Oh, baby you know when I look in your eyes I go crazy, and my heart just can't hide that old feeling inside , hey deep down inside [o ayan na naman ako]". I blame it on Unang Hirit. They kept on playing it over and over again [and that instrumental part!!! oh! hmpf!] and even though I wan't really watching [dahil tayuan na sa bus at maraming likod na nakaharang sa view ko] unfortunately my subconscious still absorbed it pretty well. But of course I'm not bitter [or anything of that kind]. These smallest of things just make me feel... well, pretty funny and silly, too [I really feel weird I have to blog it out]. I even felt a lot weirder because this Valentine's day is I think the strangest - and most revisionist - of all the valentine's day that I've ever been into. Frst, it's because I started my day watching a horror film entitled Shadow of the Vampire which was a required film viewing for my film genre class today [so napuno ako ng horror spirit instead]. Second, I spent my freaking afternoon not in some place cheesy or [sige na nga] at least in some place comfy but in a library [bow]. As in in UP Diliman's huge main - unairconditioned - library [ang arte eh noh?!]. Third, at this moment, our house is pretty much drowning in the music of Nirvana [as in our favorite Smells Like Teenage Spirit] and all those hard rock - unsentimental - songs. La lang. Nakakatawa - at nakakatuwa - lang. Anyway to make this silly entry short let me just give you my sincerest wishes [tentenenentenen], lots of love, peace and happiness to all of us! =) [syempre kasali ako!]

in-love with life

Cool seven o'clocks, watching the rays of the sun peep inside my room as I listen to the hit songs of the 80's. My heart sways and thomps at the idea of a new day. Solitary lunches in the cafeteria. Non-stop chewing and talking sounds. Feels like music to my ears. The smell of my favorite dishes engulfs the atmosphere. Surely, one of the best moments of my day. Private moments with my equally-busy-friends in one corner, just before all of us hurry again to our own busy lives. A few worthwhile hours with my self and with some of my favorite friends - the books - in the freezing library. A few hours to excercise those brain cells and those vocal chords as I listen to and share my thoughts with my interesting classmates and teachers. A few meters of walking around the campus, towards the MRT station, past the impatient people in queue. Bright lights in the highway, cars carressing the face of the crowded roads, busy feet, hungry tummies, aching backs: a day full of new lessons and meaningful experiences. Feeling finally safe and happy just being home again. Dinners with parents and sibs are always one of the best things in life. Lazy after-dinners lying on the floor with my parents and little brother doing nothing but hug each other; whispering, giggling and making the most out of every second. Those silent minutes as I crawl into my bed before I say my goodnight prayers are just amazing. The feeling of the wind on my tired face reminds me to have faith on the things that I don't see; on the blessings that are sometimes hard for me to notice and appreciate. I couldn't keep my mind off the magic of the night sky as I peep out of my windows one last time. No, I don't really want to live forever. I only want to freeze every moment of my life.

love & hate

Last Monday, we had a workshop in our screenplay writing class about this essay that we have written. It's actually for the purpose of knowing how to describe our chracters accurately. But, mind you, it's not the typical describe-your-favorite-person kind of thing but instead, it's about describing your hatest person including [of course] the reasons why you hate him/her. It's really exciting you know. There are these classmates of mine who would go apologizing for writing such mean things about their hatest persons. They would go,"No I don't really hate him/her" or "I'm sorry for being mean, I just had fun writing this." Secretly, it really made me laugh hearing them go over being so apologetic for their being mean. No wonder why most of them were shocked after hearing what I have written [bwahaha]. It was actually a sort of dramedy wherein I mixed the elements of comedy and drama at the same time [for those of you who have no idea what dramedy is]. I'm not saying who my hatest person is, but I must admit that what I have written about him [oo, lalake siya] was really mean [to quote one of my classmates: "that's what you call mean"]. However, [hindi sa pagdidisclaim] I didn't intentionally make it that mean just for the sake of cursing the person, but instead I did the entire writing exercise for the sake of the exercise itself. Since it's about describing your hatest person accurately, then most probably the main purpose of it is to make your readers hate that person as well. The accuracy of description will be measured upon its ability to convince the readers that indeed this person is worth hating for. But interestingly, after doing the workshop - after hearing my classmates' works as well -I only didn't get the techniques in describing characters but I also figured out some things about the reason why we hate. Basically, our works reflect that the reason why we hate these people that we hate is because we loved/liked them - or we wanted/we tried to love/like them - in the first place. But because of the cruel things that they did to us, we had no choice but to hate them in the end. We don't really hate these people just because they're hate-able but because we are only so disappointed for loving them when they're in fact not even worthy of it. The same thing with the person I hate, I realized that I do not really hate him. How could I hate him when I am supposed to be loving him? [uuyyy medyo nagkakaroon na ng clue kung sino] I just realized that the reason why I hate [I'm not even sure if hate is the right term for it.] him is because I so wanted to love him in the first place. I wanted to like him. I really did and even up to now I still have this feeling of wanting to like him sana. But because of the things that he does, I cannot love him - I can't even like him for the simplest reasons. Seems like he's actually the one who gives me the reason not to like him at all [although most probably he's not aware of it]. It sucks, right? But that's [I think] basically the main point: We hate because we love. I know it sounds absurd but what do we know? love and hate are both complicated and abtract stuffs. I think. all we can do is to interpret it based on what we experience; based on what we know. Perhaps, by contemplating about love-and-hate-stuffs we could discover more things about ourselves including our values and points of view in life.

the power of words.

[This person is talking to me as we stroll the UPD campus] "Hay nako si sr talaga bobo. Tanga-tanga. " [The same person is to talking to our companion] "Hay nako nakakainis nga talaga siya kase and O.A, O.A niya noh... blahblahbalah" [The same person is now talking to me] "O asan yung bag ko? puta ka iniwan mo?!" [A friend is talking to another friend] "Hey, you look nice today." [The person replies] "Uy, thank you. I really worked on it." [he grins] [a classmate is addressing everybody in the class] "Uy, wag naman tayong ma-haggard guys! Cheer up!" [I tell him] "Bakit hindi ka ba haggard?" [he replies] "Haggard din pero..." [I reply] "Nakakainis ka. Hindi halata!" [He blushes] "Well, thank you. Hindi ba halata?" [he grins] It breaks my heart to hear and see people underestimate the power of words T_T. I mean, it's either we make or beak someone's day, heart or confidence through whatever it is that comes out of our mouths. A lot of people - based on my observation - are not really aware if what they're saying is already causing damage to others. It just breaks my heart to see how these people badmouth others without even caring a bit of those people's feelings. But of course it's not just about badmouthing but it's also about being fair in whatever you say. I think we shouldn't let our emotions poison our minds, even our speech [most especially]. We shouldn't curse others criticize them just because we don't like them. The same thing with compliments, I know most of us Filipinos aren't really so used to the idea of complimenting others even for the littlest reason possible. But [based on my observation and personal experiences] what we actually don't see is that a simple [tiny as it may seem] sincere [I repeat: sincere] compliment could do wonders for others - even for ourselves. It could [as I said earlier] make a person's day great. It could cheer a lonely heart up. It could boost confidence. It could give hope. I just believe that if each of us could only be mature enough to speak responsibly, I think the entire world would be a much peaceful and harmonious place to live in. As what I have written in my journal a year ago - as a new year's resolution actually - "Kung wala rin naman akong sasabihing maganda o makakatulong sa iba at sa lahat, mabuti pang wag na lang akong magsalita". or if I'll just scar people's hearts non-stop... mabuti pa mapipi na lang ako.

some thoughts

Of surpassing mediocrity and shallow dreams. Sometimes, it saddens me to know how others just settle for less than what they can really do. I don't know if it's out of laziness or out the fear of success that they seem to be contented with mediocrity. Some people I know could've achieved more if they only pushed themselves further. If they only learned how to really persevere. How to really work hard. I know some of the people who know me may label me as a super OC [obsessive-compulsive] person. It may seem that [Hindi naman sa pagmamalaki, pagfi-feeling or what] I am this quote-unquote-well-endowed person who already has all the potential and the abilities that I can possibly need or ask for. Sometimes, it may look like I'm making my accomplishments out of magic or out of some innate capabilities from some god out there. But what these people don't know is that I am 10% talent and 90% hardwork. I really am. I know my strengths and weaknesses and the universe knows I am not that well-endowed person who they may be referring to. Although I am very much aware of the gifts/talents that I have, it doesn't mean of course that these talents operate automatically. I work very hard on them. I work even harder to improve them, to use them. Some people just can't imagine the hardwork I'm bringing my self into. I really work hard [as in grabe]. As in. As in tinotodo ko ang powers ko palage. Pushing ourselves to the limit doesn't mean that we should be just plain obsessed with winning. After all, it's actually not about winning but about passion. It's about really loving what you do. Everything you do. It's giving all of your energy. All your best. It's seizing every opportunity. It's valuing the gift you have and using it for the benefit of all. Sadly most of the common people today - based on my observation - are just contented in settling for mediocrity. Most peolple now are already contented in eyeing for short terms goals. They do not see the best things that they could possible do, the best that they could possibly be. [For sure our economic crisis has also something to do with this] It seems to me that the common Filipino youngsters [or Filipino people in general] today are only aspiring for what? money - for gimiks and shopping, a good job, a beautiful house, car/s, fame, love life, money, fame, love life, money, fame, love life - and other superficial things. Even some of my friends think this way. After college, I'm gonna look for a job, I'm going abroad, I'll buy a house, cars, I'll shop non-stop, I'll have my own business so on and so forth. This saddens me so although [thank the good lord] there are still lots of people out there [most of my colleagues] who really dream BIG. They don't dream just for themselves but for the world as well, for the Philippines in particular. I really do admire these people because of the vision and the will that they have. That's why I so like being with them. They dream of really big things. They think of big ideas. But of course, this doesn't mean that one shouldn't dream of these things. Of course all of us want a comfortable [if possible, luxurious] life. [Even I, of course, also dream of such things.] We also want to give our family [and our future family] the kind of living that we want for ourselves. We want to have enough money to buy everything that we need [and sometimes, want]. Those are but nothing but a pragmatic way to think, plan our lives and live. However, what I'm trying to say is that how I wish our dreams won't just stop there. I just hope that we will dream further. Let's dream bigger. Let's not be satisfied with being able to satisfy only our material needs for there are so so much more than that. Let's be obsessed [yeah, I know the term obsessed sounds kinda exaggerated but anyway I couldn't find a better word so let's just settle for it okay? ^_^] with improving ourselves; with pushing ourselves to the best that we can possibly be. Let's be obsessed in influencing others - in a good way of course. Let's be obsessed in making a difference. It's never too late to learn and start doing things the other way. It's never too late for us to transcend into the higher level of dreaming. Changing the world [for the better of course] is not impossible if and only if all of us would aspire for it. Let's make a better world, guys! That Ultra incident. Okay. So maybe I was just over-reacting that day when I blogged about the Wowowee tragedy. Needless to say, I just went on cursing those people without even weighing things. I know I lost my critical side there [kung meron man]. All my apologies. So I think now is the time for me to react, to really speak up with regards to the issue [not that I consider my opinion as a big deal. I just want to speak up. That's all.] The truth is, I had a small talk with my friends yesterday at lunch regarding this issue. I heard what they've got to say and really thanks to them 'cause at last I was able to make things clear for myself. They helped me to look at things in a wider scope. These things I figured out: [x] We cannot blame the media solely for the tragedy. Although they're really using these people to earn profits [as in to the point na garapalan na talaga], we still can't blame them because in the first place if these people weren't desperate enough to push themselves to gameshows such as Wowowee just to have instant cash, the media wouldn't get the opportunity of using power in exploiting them at all. The only thing that I really really hate about the media is how they go against instead of helping each other especially during times like this. Instead of helping to solve the case and instead of helping the victims, what GMA 7 does is it takes this issue as an opportunity to attack the enemy. All they care about is to emphasize their belief that it is really the fault of ABS-CBN and that they should be punished for the damage they have caused.They're turning this entire tragedy into a huge pathetic circus show. And also, I just noticed that if not for this incident, I don't think the media will ever tackle the reason behind the popularity of gameshows here in our country. Ah kaya pala maraming nahuhumaling sa gameshows kase sobtang hirap na ng bansa naten. Haller? ngayon lang nila nalaman? talagang ginagawa nilang bobo ang mga tao. [x] The Filipino psyche has really gone wrong - terribly wrong. In all aspects - and again, the media - and the capitalists of course - has a major responsibility for this. [x] We are really in hell. I'm so sorry to be pessimistic but I think for as long as the moral corruption here in our country is prevalent, for as long as we do not unite and do our part in pushing this country forward, more and more dreams, blood and life will be lost. We are not just talking about people dying to improve their lives, but people fighting for their lives. The situation has already become Darwin's survival of the fittest. Ugh. What a shame. Sometimes even though I try so hard to be optimistic, I still couldn't make my self think of other more innovative ways of helping this country. I sometimes even don't know how to think, what to think or even if I'd think at all!!! I sometimes couldn't even find my place in this freaking society anymore. [sigh.....] But of course, I still do not [entirely] lose hope. I'm still looking forward to a bright and wealthy future for this country and the people in my age that I know have a big potential in making a difference in this country - in the world. Dr. Jose RIzal would never be wrong - Ang kabataan ang pag-asa ng bayan. kahit na marami pang kumokontra sa kasabihang yan. Naniniwala pa rin ako sa mga kahenerasyon ko at sa mga susunod pang henerasyon. People [esp. adults] just don't see the power and the potential that we have.

t r a g e d y

Let me extend my sincerest condolences to the victims (and to the entire Philippines as well) of the Wowowee stampede.

Oh, well obviously this is too much. How I wish this will serve as a wake up call for everybody especially for those people who are really responsible for this. The media, the government and everyone of us. This is not just about financial poverty but moral and psychological poverty as well. We''re already in hell and yet these media people are using the poorest of the poor for their own selfish interests. Ok here I go again ranting my heart out for this Wowowee kabaliwans. I guess, this is the climax [I hope so] of this great great kabaliwan. [Yeah I know I'm cruel] How I wish it was Willie -and the whole gang- (you know what I mean) who was there in the crowd. How I wish they were the ones who experienced how it felt like falling in line for hours regardless of the weather, being helpless as they watch themselves, their children, friends, parents being pushed and crushed by agitating arms and feet. How I wish they were in the shoes of the children who were horrified seeing those people die in front of them - chest, limbs, legs being torn apart, blood spilling everywhere - right in front of their very eyes. [sigh] This is just too disheartening. I don't think I can rant any further. Disgrace to all those responsible for this.

the first of a thousand

I bet, there's no other creature in this world that could be more insatiable than me. See, I can't even figure out how and where will I organize my thoughts (!!!). haha. I've been blogging since when? ugh. I already had numbers of blogs. From tripod, blogdrive, xanga, diaryland, tabulas..just name it! Although I've successfully been monogamous to my tranquilizer blog for like 3 to 4 months, here i am, ended up making a total of 5 blogs for all of my scattered thoughts. I guess, this just mirrors how my life has been changing so fast now. I'm suddenly turning into this somebody who isn't sure of what she's actually doing or where she's heading but - despite of it all - is still liking the way things are. Guess, this new blog-birth would do wonders for me. =) Put those thoughts to where they properly belong, baby.