I've watched Brokeback Mountain earlier this morning [mga 9 am] so I could say that it was one of my first thoughts this day. We watched it in our film genre class after watching one of [the famous] Wongkar Wai films - The Hand. I've actually been dying to watch it especially when I heard that it wasn't supposed to be shown here in the Philippines [hehehe. Lalong naging kontrobersyal]. Besides it's undeniable uber-flowing publicity, what urged me more to watch this film is the mere thought that it's a Western film and at the same time a love story of two male homosexuals. I mean, considering that it's a Western, it is needless to say that it is assumed to be having those icons usually found in Western films - aside from the horses and the vast landscapes of course. Western films usually talk about the conservative characteristics of an ideal American hero - he should save the Wild Wild West from the deadly influence of modernization, he is above most men which makes him a demi-god as well, he shouldn't settle down because his main purpose in life is just that - to defend the West. Of course, above anything else, this American hero is a male - a male heterosexual to be specific. This is the mere reason why Brokeback Mountain became such a sensation. It's not just because it's about homosexuals but mostly because it's about the American culture. It's like redefining the culture itself, adding some new twists and spices to it - adding another truth to it. But most of all, it's actually questioning the myth behind the American culture and life that makes it so controversial. Well, I basically like the film [so much]. I admire the musical score, the cinematography, the screenplay, the directing and the acting and the actors of course [!!!]. I so so love Jake Gyllenhaal [He's so cute aside from the silly fact that he reminds me of Woody - as in Woody the toy in Toy Story. hehe. Won't you agree?]. I love the pacing of the film. There's just this mellow, feminine-like, emo touch to it. I think it has a lot to do with the music and the cinematography. I mean, although it depicts men as the main characters, still the way the story unfolds has this not-so-masculine effect. The scenes are serene and deep and it seems like they are captured in a moment beyond eternity [nakaks!]. It is opposed to the usually masculine type of execution which is rugged, fast-paced and roller-coaster-like. I love all the characters, actually. I love the characters of Jack Twist [Jake Gyllenhaal] and Ennis Del Mar [I so so love this name. it sounds gorgeous and sexy. hehe] [Heath Ledger]. I love the characters of Alma [Michelle Williams] and Lureen [Anne Hathaway]. And speaking of Anne Hathaway, does she really play characters like this? I mean, I didn't expect that she could go far from her Princess-Diaries-image by exposuring her breasts for 2 seconds [or is it three? hehe just kidding. I didn't count it of course]. I also love the place and to tell you honestly, I wasn't even convinced at first that the clouds there are really real clouds. I mean, they are just so...heavenly!!! May ganun pala kagandang langit at clouds? ampff! hypnotizing!!! Going further, my favorite scenes there would first be the one where they first saw each other after 4 long years. Their acting there felt so sooo.. realistic! I felt the craving, the longing and the sexual tension. It is also my favorite because that's the scene where Alma knew that Ennis, her husband, is in fact gay. The scene is just so powerful and heartbreaking to the point that you no longer need words to explain what's going on. My second favorite would be the scene where Jack and Ennis are fighting in Brokeback Mountain. They are fighting over what they would do now to with their relationship ["Now, all we have is this Brokeback Mountain!"]. I felt the emo-ness of the scene. I felt them. I just knew how important their relationship - and each other - is to them when Ennis broke down and cried. Then last but not the least, I love the scene where Ennis went down on his knees and cried after he and Jack went on their separate ways right after they went back from Brokeback Mountain [There's just something about the way he cries. hmm...I could melt...maybe it's the way he speaks when he cries and when he doesn't. Wala kasing pagbabago!!! hehe. Kinakain nya yung salita niya, wala tuloy akong maintindihan. Buti na lang magaling siyang umarte. Ay! ay! ay! ngayon inookray ko na siya. Stop it na.]. That particular scene just broke my heart [again]. I could feel the passion and the hopelessness, the regret and the confusion that he felt [all at the same time]. Finally, talking about the ending, I think it's [obviously] tragic butrealistic at the same time. Not because I only measure the realism of a film [or any story, love story to be specific] based on it's tragic ending. It's just that the ending feels tragic and happy, open-ended and not at the same time. Although it didn't end the way they wanted it to, although they aren't able to be with each other for their entire lives, still their love for each other survived the inevitable ruling power of time. They still loved [and they will always love] each other and the power of their love doesn't need present time, space and togetherness for it to last. Most of all, the ending feels like it is the only suitable, possible happy ending for them regarding the kind of society and reality they are living in. The film is such a success because of all the factors that contributed to it: cinematography, sound, directing, screenplay... blah blah. But I think, the film would not have the same success if it wasn't for the two leading actors. I mean, it's just so entertaining to watch and as a viewer, it would be a lot easier for you to symphatize with them because both of them are really damn goodlooking [!!!] [Not that I mean any prejudice to the not-so-goodlooking people]. Honestly, I am not shocked anymore to watch films like this [except maybe the porn types]. I already have watched a few homosexual love stories before and I also fell in love with them the way I fell in love with the films depicting the heterosexuals. Actually, I must say that films like this should be handled very carefully, for if not, the [of course conservative] public viewers would still not be able to really understand the truth behind things like this - things like homosexual relationships. The media is very powerful in shaping the minds of the people that's why it is only important to entrust these kinds of issues to the right and capable hands. One more thing before I end this lengthy [but hopefully not boring] entry, I just hope that people will grasp the message of films like this after they've watched it. I just hope that they don't just consider it as a plain, flat piece of entertainment - seeing two gorgeous guys making out and all that stuffs -but instead something to ponder on. Also, I hope that the mainstream film industry would not just give importance [and interest] to the male-homosexual-kind-of-life but also to the female homosexuals as well. It's because I think that although we have come a long way in discussing, understanding and accepting things like this about sexuality, still it is mostly the male homosexual who is being given the spotlight. I think the lesbian community [and the female community in general] is still being ignored. The patriarchy still rules even in times of what we call sexual liberation. Anyway, two thumbs [gusto mo kasama pa toes eh] for this film. No wonder why it won so many awards. But still, I think Crash won as Best Picture because of the social relevance of its content [though I'm not saying that the content of Brokeback is not socially relevant] and maybe, they're still conservative after all. Maybe they're still not willing to give such a prestigious award to a film depicting homosexuality. . . .Well, maybe lang naman. . .

torn expectations I am not really cynical but I think I am slowly starting to become one. I just realized that most people do not really deserve to be treated nicely. Most people do not deserve that straight-from-the-bottom-of-my-heart kind treatment. They just do not. Perhaps this is the reason why I often feel messed up, used or anything of that sort. I usually trust people - all people - easily. I've always believed in the good nature of humans. But not anymore. I think I've already had enough of that Ms. Nice type of person. I guess, I've always been so nice [too nice] to people regardless of my relationship with them. I've been so kind to them without even thinking if they deserve such kindness. I'm not saying though that I am Ms. Perfect, Ms. Down To Earth or Ms. Mother Theresa-like. It's just that I hope people would have this interpersonal wisdom in them. You know, knowing how to treat other human beings the right way [I mean based on the already affirmed rules of our society]. I just realized that really most people are just rude, selfish and greedy. They will just piss you off, spoil you and use you. a good push Like what I told my friend Bambina, I am recreating my life now. I am cleaning up the mess [favorite word?]. I am starting to refreshen the relationships that I've had left aging in the old treasure box of wonders. I'm starting to communicate again to my friends - of every kind [How helpful Frienster could really be in times like this]. The happy part is that some of them are actually responding to my messages. However, no matter how much effort I make, some of them just do not even bother to say hello or hi to me [Of course I know. I saw that they've logged on within 24 hours! =b]. Well, I can't possibly blame them since some of them haven't actually been that close to me. I'm just hoping that maybe, we could start again and this time maybe we could deepen our friendship. I have a feeling that it's really during times like this that you will be able to know who your real friends are. Anyway, as far as I'm concern I'm feeling good about what I have done. It's really never too late to learn and realize things. I just hope that my communication with them would go on . . . forever [cheesy? well, sige medyo] and ever and ever. mama ... is just the best!!! I so so sooooo love her!